Alert 2021: The agony of Death and how to survive it

How does a person feel after someone dies or they see a disaster? When you are younger, it is actually easier to process.  A person dies and you feel deep sadness.  You see a disaster on TV, you feel upset and shock. In this article we will discuss dealing with death and how to handle it.

As you get older, these same events can get drowned in confusion.  The older you get the more you expect to see death.  And as for events like mass shootings, you just shake your head wondering what has happened to the world.

Some people can work through the pain of death and destruction.  Many can recover in weeks, some in months.  Bad feelings tend to subdue with time.  The discomfort of seeing something like a mass shooting fades.  This is why there is often talk of gun control right after a mass shooting, but then within weeks, you hear very little about this from Washington DC.

These are things we can feel after such a shock, such as death:

The truth is, when some form of personal disaster or death is witnessed, people need a release or some way to handle it.  And folks will release in different ways.

Some drink … Some do drugs … and When dealing with death, some just react without binging, and trying and handle things naturally.

America is the most highly prescribed country in the world for anti-depressants, so maybe we do less handling of things naturally than those from other countries. 

How do People Handle Things Like Death?

People that are good communicators tend to handle things better.  They are able to share with others their burdens and in return those they share with lessen the burden by offering their own personal experiences.

Those who are not able to communicate, keep everything bottled up inside.  They don’t talk to friends about these personal feelings and as a result they might be more likely to need the release from alcohol or drugs. 

They may also start to overeat. In many cases folks who can’t control their weight are also dealing with depression, potentially caused by events outside their normal control. 

The sad thing is, drinking and binging on food and in the worst cases, drugs, simply make a bad situation worse. And they simply mask the real issues involved with dealing with death.

And remember, as you get older the feelings get more muddled.  You might feel like you are losing your ability to focus, when in fact it is just the natural effect of your mind witnessing so much pain throughout the years that it all starts to blend together.

Think about the difference you had in feeling, probably you were young when a loved one died.  And then as you grow much older, how you feel when someone passes.  It’s an entirely different type of feeling.  Some will tell you it’s worse when you are young, but in truth, it might actually be worse when folks grow older.

The bitterness that can set in.  The confusion.  Where did it all go wrong? These are the things people think about when they see pain as they grow older.

Do You Need Help?

Strangely, the older you get the less help you think you need.  You start to look death in the eye, thinking your best days are behind you.  So what if I feel pain and anguish.  Life is difficult and I am closing in on death myself.  This is how some feel as they get older, so why would they seek help when they think they deserve to be miserable?

Younger folks are different.  They know they should feel better, and they don’t want to have the vast distance in front of them laced with sadness and depression over an event they might have had no control of.

For example the death of a parent when someone is at a young age.

Now we are not saying older folks shouldn’t get help if needed … that would be very wrong.  We are only saying that older folks sometimes won’t seek out help because they just don’t see the point with their lives on the way to coming to a close.

But Should They Get Help? YES

Older folks sometimes don’t understand how their own depression can effect the younger generation in their family.  Think about how much time you spent when you were younger worrying about your Mom and Dad and maybe Grand Parents.

As I write this I think about my own life and how important these people were to me when I was younger.  Now with them gone, even this writer feels a bit of confusion and muddled memories. It can be a confusing aspect of dealing and just how to handle death.

This is one of the reasons why decision making becomes more difficult as one grows older.  Not only is there a slightly diminished mental ability to focus, there is also the overload of a life of witnessing death (in person) and destruction (many times courtesy of TV).

How we handle it can determine how we handle life itself.

Gary P. Cubeta
(Serving Americans In All 50 States)